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Don’t ask, "what do I want from this?" Ask, "do I want this?"
The difference is getting what you can versus realizing this is not something you want.
We spend too much time extracting what we can, pleased with the getting, but stepping back (by reframing the question) asks if we even want to be in the situation.
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Working through an insanely optimistic plan changes how you think.
Keep your small daily habits, continue to aggregate your marginal gains, but occasionally go through intense exercises involving schemes for way too much money, insane destinations, and novel values. It can entirely change your life.
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"He who dies with the most toys wins" is a child-like sentiment, and yet there is comfort in the physical items that surround us. They offer a concrete means to validate our place in the world, which delivers tangible stability.
When do we graduate from childhood’s external value measures to the maturation of internal worth? Hopefully, before we die.
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We live in a society, not alone in space. We think of and desire the other; even when alone, we shape ourselves for others.
Every decision involves how we see ourselves through others, and every joy or disappointment comes from the success or failure to align to the other. And so, the striving is always emotional (from our desires), and the alignment is subjectively judged, letting every misalignment create fear and hurt.
Knowing that we are fueled by emotion, craving an oddly shaped personal outcome, we can work backward from the hurt to find the fear that stemmed from a failed alignment of how we fit into the world.
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Etiology is the study of a cause, or causation, while teleology is the study of the purpose of a phenomenon.
When we focus too much on etiology we become deterministic: this was caused by that. We are detectives uncovering the cause-effect relationship and we allow ourselves to be determined by the past.
When we focus on teleology we look for “the role” achieved by a phenomenon/behavior to uncover its “goal.” Not what caused it, but what is its purpose. As in, “Why do you insist on letting your past control your present?”
The answer is often because it serves me well to blame the past rather than undertake the hard work of changing in the present.
“People are not driven by past causes, but move toward goals that they themselves set.”
The Courage to be Disliked
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The work begins before the “work.”
Most of our work is knowing what to prepare for: foresight from former floundering.
The dynamic moment of doing the work (the moment we charge for) is the testing ground against which we gauge our mental models, and appear worthy of the challenge.
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Are you using technology or is it using you? more complicated: are you using health, or is it using you?
Under the guise of use, we find reliance. Unexamined lay the imperatives of deeper programming driving us.
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It only takes two years of being hurt and frustrated to come across as suddenly wise and resilient.
Perhaps wisdom is derived from suffering manifested as empathy. Shared pain opens us to listen and respond with vulnerability. Not that others need to listen, but merely offering an ear and commiseration while people are in despair might draw them out of themself for a moment, and from there perhaps they can find a bit more light.
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Convenience becomes routine. The comfort of convenience robs us of the space and opportunity, as well as the time, to engage with the world.
If you always drive, decide to walk. If you only go outside during the daylight, take a walk at 3 AM.
The way the world operates outside of your norm is surreal, and your attention will be engaged.
Introduce some micro-challenges by taking the third or fourth option, the more uncomfortable option.
