We live in a society, not alone in space. We think of and desire the other; even when alone, we shape ourselves for others.
Every decision involves how we see ourselves through others, and every joy or disappointment comes from the success or failure to align to the other. And so, the striving is always emotional (from our desires), and the alignment is subjectively judged, letting every misalignment create fear and hurt.
Knowing that we are fueled by emotion, craving an oddly shaped personal outcome, we can work backward from the hurt to find the fear that stemmed from a failed alignment of how we fit into the world.