Tag: relationships


  • Theme:

    The art of caring less

    1–2 minutes

    Therapy is primarily learning to care less. Over-caring leads to anxious rumination, where we spiral into desperation.

    One approach is to shift the direction of care: from inward to outward—caring for others instead of fixating on ourselves.

    Another is to reframe our perspective, diminishing the importance of the issue until we care less. For example, remind yourself that “it’s just a job” or question why we need a relationship with harmful people.

    Ryder Richards
    ryderrichards.com
    letusthinkaboutit.com
    (c) 806.790.5508


  • Theme:

    Over-indexing empathy

    1–2 minutes

    Empathy can be weaponized when it becomes so extreme that individuals sabotage their own interests to uphold what they perceive to be the needs or failings of others. Though morally driven, this self-sacrificial impulse harms the empathizer as they attempt to level the community: to balance for equality.

    The paradox is that at the extreme, we self-sabotage our survival instinct (by over-indexing empathy until it is socially symbolic) AND our ability to engage in conflict for reasonable solutions rationally. We become ideologically simple emotional zealots: saving others at your own cost will not save you; it will martyr you.




  • Theme:

    tighten your belts for a little while

    1–2 minutes

    In Animal Farm, there is a moment when the corpulent and gluttonous pigs invoke an enemy as a need for restraint. This harbinger required restriction and sacrifice.
    When the populace recognizes that this artificially enhanced restriction encourages more opulent gluttony or ill-considered expenditures by the privileged leaders, we may declare, "We will not be fooled again."

    And in desperation for reform, we enshrine our liar, our harbinger of revenge to displace their liar. In such repetitive ways we ensure trust is forgotten for tactical victories.




  • Theme:

    Ends/Means for me

    1–2 minutes

    The ends justify the means relationship is beyond transactional into a limited world view: the anti-golden rule.
    https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2024/04/21


  • Theme:

    trust vs self-reliance

    1–2 minutes

    Our confusion lies in equating surrender of self-governance with trust.

    We exhibit commitment by becoming vulnerable, entrusting others with our emotional core—our most fragile and precious self.

    This, however, confronts human nature’s instinct for self-preservation, leading to an inevitable clash where hurt and betrayal emerge.

    Misguidedly, we create a co-dependent dynamic, mistakenly believing it fosters trust, when in fact it imposes the burden of our wellbeing on another—a form of emotional hostage-taking.

    True trust and love flourish not from dependency but through mutual self-reliance, enabling both parties to independently thrive.


  • Theme:

    Community is a stance, not a standard

    1–2 minutes

    Community is not formed by adherence or conformity to a norm per se, but by aligning yourself with the others emotional state and accommodating decision-making, a utilitarian meshing of mutual recognition, which must happen authentically.


    Community is not a standard, but a stance.


  • Theme:

    Escaping Bureaucracy via Subversive Excellence

    1–2 minutes

    Occupations characterized by an intense, almost theatrical level of rigidity—think high-stress chefs, firefighters, specific musicians, trauma nurses, comedians, and daredevil professionals like roughnecks and underwater welders—give rise to a subversive realm that rejects the world of bureaucracy. Within their sphere, they construct an unapologetic hierarchy founded on their unique set of values, deliberately rejecting vacant niceties in favor of excess, darkness, and subversion.

    This subculture they create can be simultaneously harsh and light-hearted, degenerate yet communal. By dynamically responding to the demands of their challenging roles, they manage to elevate themselves beyond bureaucratic tedium and political correctness.

    This dynamic suggests that any occupation that relies on soul-draining bureaucratic oversight to manage its employees, policing emotions and behavior through policy, lacks the kind of passionate dedication and precision that fuels human flourishing.

    Occupations like these, which foster counter-cultural subcultures, cultivate communities bound together, relying on one another while nurturing trust (in an oddly perverse way). In contrast, heavily managed, mediated managerial roles tend to fragment employees, leaving them to bond primarily through shared frustration with the irrationality of upper-level decision-making.


  • Theme:

    The loneliness of cool

    1–2 minutes

    To be cool is to have a scarce trait, and as others emulate it (normalize it), you must chase a new scarcity to maintain your cool factor.

    Cool is not happy because it is exclusive. Its pursuit is alienating.

    To have it is to be seen and to be admired, but it does not participate in a broad, thick network of friends. It can be very lonely and fragile.


  • Theme:

    friendship based on lameness

    1–2 minutes

    People often find it challenging to befriend someone who is unpredictable. Even if you are generally somewhat weird, there is a limit beyond which you may become off-putting. Overindulging in your creative freedom can sometimes overwhelm those who simply seek casual entertainment.

    Many relationships seem to be based on your ability to moderate your level of creativity to a degree of lameness, which is not true creativity but rather something adjacent to it – adjacent to being interesting.


  • Theme:

    Love over war in relationships

    1–2 minutes

    Relationship fights tend to get caught up in an “instance.” There are moments of disagreement; both sides pitch themself as rational, the other as hurtful or inconsiderate, and a list of details and grievances unfolds.

    You can choose to make war, but the details are irrelevant. You could get past them in a second if… if something else more fundamental was repaired.

    Someone (maybe both parties) doesn’t feel loved. What if you choose to love them so thoroughly that they stop acting out? Would loving them, instead of focusing on your pain, also heal you?