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I know what works: watch the tutorial first, follow along. And yet, every time I waste half a day thinking I can figure it out alone. This jump-in-first behavior is hubris, but “figuring it out” is also an adventure.
To repeatedly frustrate yourself is puzzling, but the pleasure is in the puzzle: life is in the idiocy of challenge, not dwelling in the known.
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Men have a ritual greeting: the head nod or the casually raised index finger while driving.
I see you: you are part of those who are looking around, aware, and moving through the world. It is a small interaction signaling, "we are all dealing with some bullshit." Through small acknowledgments, we find the solidarity to continue.
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You can have a freebie or two: coast for a day or two.
When it turns into a month or two, your momentum is lost, and you become stuck.
Laying fallow is not bad; it just takes an exponential effort to regain the speed and traction you had before: more discipline to regain broken trust.
Thought: there should be a sweet-spot grid on return vs. discipline/procrastination.
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Selfishness seems to bloom from self-preservation, says Anthony DeMello. And to be selfless seems to "opt for nonbeing."
What is interesting is to consider how you could ever not be yourself unless you were operating from fear: self-preservation would then be the only thing that could destroy the self.
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There are stages in becoming wise and selfless. The first one is to be very self-involved.
How do you know if you have anything wise or useful to say unless you practice your voice? You must work on refining how you relate. Naturally, you can jump straight into being helpful, like the over-eager assistant with a ladder spinning about smashing everything and apologizing repeatedly.
The paradox of becoming selfless is to focus on yourself until you do no harm. Of course, practice makes perfect but tread lightly.
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Adam Smith said our economy is based on self-interest, which seemingly relegates equity, equality, and altruism to symbolic social cries.
The story goes that material reality (foundational) allows contradictory wishes and dreams (philosophical/ideological) to ride atop it. Our economy encourages the symbolic virtues as a distraction and abundant energy source.
Yet, let’s consider that cooperation and collaboration maintain functional economies. Virtues of trust and loyalty (beyond self-interest or reason) are the foundation upon which parasitic, disruptive economies establish themselves. In this reversal, the parasite has convinced us it is the host, and every man must be for themself.
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Why would you ever defend yourself? To explain enriches a narrative, both revealing and contextualizing, but when justifying one assumes there is a "self" (ego/identity) that needs protection or forgiveness.
The defense of an illusory ego invites reliance on the opinion of others as a guiding principle. Over time "you" cease to be a genuine individual and become a supplicant for their acceptance.
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Name-calling is labeling, which is a shortcut to feeling superior. Higher morality would require complex understanding, which leads to compassion rather than condescension.
Worse yet, once labeled (defined), we dismiss the hard work of further consideration or re-investigation.
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Waiting in line, I listened to a clerk direct everyone with professional condescension, all polite smiles and belittling slow speech.
She glanced at my paperwork and told me I needed a different form. After a polite argument, I followed her orders and waited again. This time she realized I had it right the first time, so I smiled my condescending smile and realized this is how society survives: our petty polite niceties, our passive one-upmanship.
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You have to let go.
When we make a mistake or are insulted, we hang onto it, impairing our behavior. Our pride (which can appear as self-loathing or righteousness) causes us to wade into the present moment, swinging for retribution.
Holding onto you tenacious self-harm makes you the victim and converts friends to villains.
