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When we think of selfish people, we tend to think of egotists: people who disregard our feelings in favor of their pride.
However, a self-centered person could also care too much about what others think of them. An insecure, self-centered person needs your feelings.
It may look like compassion at first, but this is only to build rapport before they reaffirm themself through your feelings.
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The desire to be liked by others (likability), whether it’s your boss or strangers, can stem from a need for safety or a desire to be seen as a good person.
However, seeking approval requires constant effort and doesn’t guarantee stability or assurance. Trying to please everyone is an impossible task, as people’s desires often conflict.
Instead, being genuinely responsible and consistent in yourself can attract genuine “liking” from others. True liking, or respect, is gained from the recognition that you are working on yourself first, not working to please others.
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Narcotics and narcissism draw from the same root word referring to numbness.
To retreat from reality is to close yourself from the inputs of the world, to become a closed system. Narcissism (self love) refuses reality in the same way the addict anesthetizes their senses.
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When someone says they "gave their whole life," it is obvious hyperbole.
They received much in return, even if it was painful negation they were seeking. More pointedly, in their phrasing, they reveal the narcissistic tactic of martyrdom.
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The psychological term "splitting" occurs when you can only see somebody as "all good" or "all bad."It is a refusal to take in the complexity of the whole person: we are a mix of virtues and weaknesses.
Splitting is reduction, where the "good" people serve your ego (you protect them, but by affiliation, you define yourself.) The "bad" people are demonized, and any goodness they show is suspect, a front for evil machinations.
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We generate the sensation of warmth, nearly visceral, when wanting or being wanted.
Equally hate generates rage, another fire powering, binding and engulfing people.
To not want, to be disinterested is to be “cool,” reptilian.
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We forward face: facelifted, in the mirror practiced, rejuvenated, moisturized, and made up. The cliche is that the face is a mask hiding the true self (or lack of a self).
Yet, the face is vital to the community: we push forward the good-looking orators, designating them "the face of the company" or community. They distract from the rot with burnished beauty, allowing nothing to speak for itself. They mediate perception.
"The face" is more than attractive: it is a mediating proxy of charming lenses, a model of possibility, which sells us.
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Be nice. In a utilitarian or economic sense, it pays off.
Fighting or proving you are exemplary, consequential, or brilliant may feel good, but it incurs wrath in the form of vengeance, obstruction, and spite.
The wise in ancient traditions are kind, if blunt. Don’t make your future harder for your ego in the present.
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When something doesn’t go right, we find somebody/something to pin it on.
While unfair, condemning an external other provides two vital functions: blaming releases us of responsibility and our deep seated fear of being out of control now has an actionable target.
Scapegoating is a "regulatory outlet" bleeding off rage by condemning others, which requires staying blind to reality to govern our emotions. All it requires is sacrificing others because of our weaknesses.
