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Tag: forgiveness

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    Selling the Poison and the Cure

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    1–2 minutes

    Christianity’s bumper sticker, “Not perfect, just forgiven,” implies a debt you’re born with—one only faith can absolve.

    If you reject this belief, the debt vanishes, revealing the system’s clever trap: it sells the poison (guilt) and the cure (forgiveness).

    Clarity can reveal this cycle as artificial, yet to stand alone without answers, attempting to find peace without dogma or the comfort of belief is a lonely path to self-actualization and autonomy.

    The difficulty is in avoiding manufactured redemption because it promises ease or instant relief, yet embroils you in communal bonds potentially heavier than the debt you released: it is akin to paying out your mortgage with a credit card.

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    Reality slaps: necessary reminders

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    1–2 minutes

    Human nature inclines toward complacency; we adapt to comfort, gradually losing awareness of our fortune. Overindulgence dulls gratitude, making the "slap" of reality necessary for recalibration.

    These disruptions—loss, failure, or confrontation—force clarity from contentment or narcissism, breaking cycles of excess and myopia.

    Forgiveness is essential in this process, not just for others but for ourselves. We resent the pain of awakening, yet the jolt of pain is often the only path back to wisdom.

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    blunting old survival strategies

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    1–2 minutes

    The tools we use to get us through periods in our lives can lose their purpose. Once we have moved on, there is a tendency to maintain these practices because if they provided safety and security once, they might do it forever.
    Sometimes, the challenge is not maintaining your edge but letting go of your knives.

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    Straddling ensures stumbling

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    1–2 minutes

    Look over your shoulder to ensure a slip, trip, or fumble today.

    Naturally, we consider the past to do better in the future. (Do this when you are alone.)

    When you are with others, remain in the present: with one foot in the past (fretting about a former fumble) and the other in the future (envisioning a repaired reputation), we sabotage the present.

    Straddling ensures stumbling, providing us with a new awkward encounter we can never rectify.

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    The new is an abomination, but we will accept it

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    1–2 minutes

    When something new is born into the world, it is an abomination: a mutation.

    It may serve some utility. Utility is what makes us accept it.

    In a simplified stance, new is “evil” in terms of disruption, but after an encounter, you cannot help but accept aspects of it as a new reality.

    From that point on, removing all traces of this foreign injection from your altered life is almost impossible.

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    Harboring magnanimity

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    1–2 minutes

    When the storm (trauma) has passed, you can move on: you can forgive -and stay wary of another storm- but remain civil and enjoy the journey.

    After redirecting your course, some will relive the storm repeatedly, unable to get past their role as a witness, perhaps feeling guilty for staying in the harbor while you suffered.

    They will reel you into their harbor of reliving the past: it is a generous myopic safety, perhaps a safe harbor, but more likely it is the next challenge to your growth.

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    moving through judgement

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    1–2 minutes

    There is, in judgment, a resistance to forgiveness.

    We hold the judged outside of us, yet “the judged” persistently returns as a beleaguered challenger, demanding forgiveness.

    We do not forgive through an effort of will: that only masks and creates resentment. We must turn towards the pain and open ourselves in order to see beyond it: to merge with the other is forgiveness, not holding them away.

    In seeing through the pain we encounter understanding: we encounter an innate kindness on the other side of understanding.

    Open kindness exists outside of us (the same place we put the judged) and yet is also within us (as the other can be too).

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    forgiving our projected pain

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    1–2 minutes

    While we find it relatively easy to forgive others, it is more difficult to forgive ourselves.

    We feel wounded and blame our internal pain on another, which justifies lashing out. Yet, as Anthony DeMello, Alfred Adler, and Victor Frankl reveal, you have chosen to be hurt and hold onto your pain.

    This is why you can forgive them easier than yourself: they did not cause the pain as much as you held onto it and weaponized it.

    The focus of your rage is merely a proxy projection for your internal disgruntlement. The trick of forgiving yourself is now doubly tricky because you allowed yourself to treat someone else poorly: to forgive yourself after lashing out is to accept your monstrosity.

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    forgiveness

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    1–2 minutes

    Forgiveness is around the corner; it is just a conversation away.

    While this seems trite, if you can forgive yourself enough to be open to the conversation rather than reveling in righteousness or embarrassment, you move into a place where you rely on them to forgive you, which is their decision/responsibility.

    After the apology and attempt at reconciliation, there is little more you can do, but in open acknowledgment and action, you create the opportunity for forgiveness.

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    Intimacy in conversation

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    1–2 minutes

    What is intimacy in conversation?

    It may begin with openness and trust, allowing one to leave and return without condemnation.

    Intimacy presupposes a core understanding, or foundational forgiveness, from which deep security allows reciprocal exposure.