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Relationships bid for attention. A request demands a reaction: either share or dismiss.
Some people become vampiric, needing you to sustain them. (And vice versa.)
Your responsibility is your life, not theirs. Do not give improperly until you become resentful; do not be hurtful.
Acknowledge that both people are individuals with boundaries, and then you can enjoy the generosity of kindness for the gift it is, rather than a compelled demand.
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Not paying attention means you have focused internally, retreating from the world.
Living in your head means you miss the world and enriching details. That is, you miss out on life for a fantasy.
Of course, the external world may be a nightmare, and fantasy is your reprieve, or perhaps your internal ruminations are terrible, and you avoid your mind to survive. But the only way out of regretting a life of escapism is to begin anew in the present.
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Supposedly punitive self-flagellation trains you not to make the same mistakes. However, the cycles of rumination embed negativity, leading to repetition and catastrophizing.
Equally, these behaviors happen internally, pulling you out of the present reality to focus attention inward.
Attention is a precious light: by focusing you prioritize. By beating yourself up you miss out on the world, the only place you can find redemption.
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Attention is a flashlight we point to direct focus, often leaving us blind to the rest of our surroundings.
Awareness is an eternally vigilant, always present state of consciousness, often drowned out by the rationalizing mind attempting to achieve some purpose.
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Sweetness’s goal is to get you to do its bidding. A berry’s color (red or blue) draws your attention for you to carry its seeds.
The reward might be worth the price, but knowing the price upfront is vital before taking a bite because some attractive lures (red or blue) are also signs of poison.
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Winter is a time of scarcity and sparseness, mild desperation, and waiting. Without the lush distractions of life, forgotten things are revealed, and repressed lessons are recalled.
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Self-sabotage gets attention. Passive-aggressive sabotage is the same thing. You do not let someone’s life go smoothly: you make yourself into a bump or barricade in the road of life.
We then rationalize not helping as "help": they need to learn (i.e., submit to me).
If we decide to help joyfully (rather than manipulate and protect), we can get the attention we crave, but in a positive sense over the long-term instead of the painful short-term tactics that further isolates us.
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This moment, right now, is new. And it can be good if you will let it.
We are going to focus on something. we can declare it good or bad. Or we can avoid focus and drift, not really living as much as fulfilling our allotted time.By deciding, loosening your grip on self-inflicted pain, you can make this moment amazing.
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I find that by telling myself what “not to do” I become focused on that behavior. “Don’t do that thing” turns into doing that exact thing.
However, I fall into deep engrossment by distracting myself with a different task.
I am not doing that thing I don’t want to do because I’ve not given myself the opportunity (time or energy) to even think about it.
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Look at me suffer. I don’t want this. I did it to myself for you.
What is my goal? To repeatedly do something, even though it is irrational and painful, is a pattern to get results: attention, affirmation, validation, pity, or to signal misalignment.
Take responsibility for perpetuating your pain, or you will forever excuse your suffering upon the world and others.
