Sabotaging others is self-sabotage

Self-sabotage gets attention. Passive-aggressive sabotage is the same thing. You do not let someone’s life go smoothly: you make yourself into a bump or barricade in the road of life.

We then rationalize not helping as "help": they need to learn (i.e., submit to me).
If we decide to help joyfully (rather than manipulate and protect), we can get the attention we crave, but in a positive sense over the long-term instead of the painful short-term tactics that further isolates us.