Real cool lacks striving and is comfortable.
Fake cool adopts the affectation of not caring while caring immensely, which requires repressing anxiety and authenticity for social acceptance. Artifice may avoid isolation by isolating the ‘self,’ but the double-bind invariably leads to a schizophrenic crash, which is not cool.
Tag: trust
- Theme: Self
Real Cool v Fake Cool
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1–2 minutes - Theme: Growth
“Value add”
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1–2 minutesWhen people say "value add," I cringe. It is like hearing a salesman say, "trust me."
If you have to convince someone of "robust bolstering effects," then the value is secondary: it is either glomming on or optimizing.
I have been "up sold" by mechanics and plumbers, but that is not a "value add." It is a simple service that does not reshape the current service. - Theme: Self
The bravado subterfuge
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1–2 minutesRule of thumb: Confidence is not to be confused with competence.
Rule of thumb: the faster they tell you how good they are, the worse they really are.
Rule of thumb: the amount of verbal justification is proportional to the forthcoming errors and time repairing the errors. - Theme: Self
Rethinking politeness
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1–2 minutesPoliteness may be beneficial when navigating social systems, showing deference and respect, and reducing anxiety with decorum.
Yet it is also a set of protocols. It mediates personal interactions until you can no longer be sure exactly who somebody is: politeness can be a mask, disguising the real you. - Theme: Self
The gift of spite
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1–2 minutesYou can give somebody, your children for instance, the gift of having somebody to spite, allowing yourself to be the target of animosity.
If we say "you can become whatever you want," we abdicate reality for dreams. This locates future failure inside of the person: if they fail, it is shamefully on them for not wanting or trying enough.Can we reverse this? Can we offer the gift of realism from which overcoming is legitimately achievable, though producing short-term spite? And in doing so generate practical self-confidence?
- Theme: Self
Finding yourself through others
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1–2 minutesIf you are seeking the authentic you, the unadulterated authenticity of the unique self, it would only be revealed when you are by yourself, without the distractions or pressures of others.
Yet, who we really are might only come from the challenges of interacting with others, otherwise your conception of self is untested. - Theme: Self
Vulnerability for Trust
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1–2 minutesVulnerability reveals brokenness, and this allows for trust.
Recognition of mutuality leads to communion. Not hierarchy or perfection, not abstractions of should and good.