The victim claims they are hurt by your actions, bullying you into an apology and extracting promises for future consideration.
The insidious aspect is that they prey on your empathy/sympathy: they use your best traits to hurt and control you.
Tag: trauma
- Theme: Self
A culture of avoidance
°
1–2 minutesIf we lived in a society of radical responsibility (rather than explanatory, justified victimization) would responsibility lead to abusive tyranny, or a culture of vulnerability refocusing effort on the impacts of the present?
Are we inculturated to avoid difficulties for temporary reprieve?
Would sustained pressure today be a strengthening blessing later, while the today’s deferment becomes tomorrow’s trauma?
- Theme: Self
The wolves outside the door
°
1–2 minutesWhat if there is no wolf outside your door?
What if the only wolves are inside with you?What if all of your external paranoia need not exist and no one outside actually cares one whit about your meager fiefdom?
What if all of your problems and pain are caused by your own wolves tearing you apart from the inside?
Tend to your own wolves, tend to your own wounds before looking outside of you for the cause of your problems.
- Theme: Self
The punch drunk ego
°
1–2 minutesYou have to let go.
When we make a mistake or are insulted, we hang onto it, impairing our behavior. Our pride (which can appear as self-loathing or righteousness) causes us to wade into the present moment, swinging for retribution.
Holding onto you tenacious self-harm makes you the victim and converts friends to villains. - Theme: Growth
Concept Creep
°
1–2 minutesConcepts change their meaning over time, both vertically and horizontally.
A vertical expansion extends the term’s definitional understanding: trauma used to refer to a physical wound incurred during a battle, but now can mean psychological heightened states.
A horizontal expansion extends the context: Once bullying was exclusively top-down abuse (status or physical dominance), yet now it has shifted to be used in a bottom-up context where an employee can bully a boss.As the concept opens (creeps into society and expands) previous instances can be named, and thus we can attend to them. Yet, the promiscuity of the term allows for abuse as well.
"the art of manliness" podcast – the dangers of concept creep
- Theme: Self
Inflationary equality
°
1–2 minutesIn a more subtle (often subconscious) version of “deflect deny discredit” the person who initially hurts another will justify causing pain by claiming prior wounding. By inflating their previous pain to match your current pain they are no longer at fault: your pain is retroactively deserved.
Feelings cannot be quantified or objectively measured, which allows for easy manipulation and justification according to personal circumstance. Unfortunately, this allows for someone to be the bully while claiming to be a victim by acting in bad faith.