Sharing your anxiousness has a goal: forcing others to take note and show their caring.
The loss of control that causes anxiety is relieved by reaffirming your status with others: your pain controls others; thus, you have some agency in the world.
Tag: suffering
- Theme: Self
Eat your pain
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1–2 minutesYou can be a little self-pitying booger all morning, angry and weepy and manic, and finally, realize you don’t need that behavior.
It isn’t beneath you; it is just that you know how this plays out, and it is exhausting and hurtful.
Eat that pain, choke that rumination, and know you are God-damn amazing. How did you ever forget that truth? Eat that darkness and burn bright. - Theme: Self
The wolves outside the door
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1–2 minutesWhat if there is no wolf outside your door?
What if the only wolves are inside with you?What if all of your external paranoia need not exist and no one outside actually cares one whit about your meager fiefdom?
What if all of your problems and pain are caused by your own wolves tearing you apart from the inside?
Tend to your own wolves, tend to your own wounds before looking outside of you for the cause of your problems.
- Theme: Self
Pain is a Re-prioritizer
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1–2 minutesIn the midst of hurting, assigning importance becomes obvious: without our health, we can not pursue frivolities.
I care nothing about work, deadlines, or money in the throes of a migraine. I only want back my ability to function and move through the world, think, and attend to those I care about. In pain, I cease to be me. - Theme: Self
The power of a name
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1–2 minutesBy naming a thing, you create yourself in the image of the concept.
example: Once, you would have been “sad” or “grieving,” whereas now you can be named “depressed.” Once named (a more permanent state), you will maintain, or even nurture, the named self.
Other terms you can be named: hero, villain, victim ~ but there is no need to own the name. - Theme: Self
I hurt myself with your words
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1–2 minutesInstead of “what you said hurt my feelings,” why don’t we say “I took what you said and I hurt myself”?
Take radical responsibility: create your world, don’t be reactive to the world.
from Diana Chapman
- Theme: Self
Avoidance shrinks your world
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1–2 minutesThe more we avoid pain (and seek comfort), we narrow our world. When difficulty arises, we repeatedly retreat to prevent confrontation.
In retaliation to being cornered, we often manufacture victimhood or become externally adventurous, avoiding the inner courage to confront ourselves. - Theme: Self
Forget Reciprocity
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1–2 minutesWhen our time, energy, and consideration are not returned, we become frustrated and resentful. We demand a return in exchange, and when not given, we claim the right of anger at the injustice.
We create transactional relationships by acting on our grievances. Our manipulation (treat me this way, or I will become angry or withdrawn) sets us up to always be disappointed in others.
Instead, try for the gift of consideration freely given, a gift without strings.
- Theme: Self
A pimple inside your nose
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1–2 minutesSome situations are like having a pimple inside your nose.
They are painful, your nose turns red, and you either look like you have a cold or you’re an alcoholic. You randomly sneeze or have snot dripping down your enflamed proboscis, and you suffer it.
Eventually, it takes care of itself, and there is such sweet relief in returning to normal.