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Look at me suffer. I don’t want this. I did it to myself for you.
What is my goal? To repeatedly do something, even though it is irrational and painful, is a pattern to get results: attention, affirmation, validation, pity, or to signal misalignment.
Take responsibility for perpetuating your pain, or you will forever excuse your suffering upon the world and others.
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It only takes two years of being hurt and frustrated to come across as suddenly wise and resilient.
Perhaps wisdom is derived from suffering manifested as empathy. Shared pain opens us to listen and respond with vulnerability. Not that others need to listen, but merely offering an ear and commiseration while people are in despair might draw them out of themself for a moment, and from there perhaps they can find a bit more light.
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“1,000 mini-heartbreaks everyday for a month is better than one epic one that you don’t understand.”
a text I received from a friend going through a tough time
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In a more subtle (often subconscious) version of “deflect deny discredit” the person who initially hurts another will justify causing pain by claiming prior wounding. By inflating their previous pain to match your current pain they are no longer at fault: your pain is retroactively deserved.
Feelings cannot be quantified or objectively measured, which allows for easy manipulation and justification according to personal circumstance. Unfortunately, this allows for someone to be the bully while claiming to be a victim by acting in bad faith.
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When you are the center of the world, every emotional pain is amplified. The pain gets trapped in a loop becoming stronger and more hurtful.
The cure is to care more about something outside of yourself.
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To want to grow is to embrace pain.
Growing requires stretching, breaking, and failing so that you become more. Growth can be forced upon you by external circumstances, which are never as kind as taking it upon yourself to start the journey.
A little pain for a little growth everyday seems like no pain, it can even feel like pleasure, while all the pain all at once can crush us.
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To participate in the world opens you to attack. Flexing your agency guarantees pain.
The antidote of "thick skin" merely numbs, while our sensitivity empowers us to continue the battle.
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Voraciously filling your brain produces little, and actually blocks productivity and conversion to reality.
Solution: non-identify. Pull back and ask yourself what you will be happy you did tomorrow.
