Belly Button Lint

Feeling Lint-y?

Tag: responsibility

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    words matter

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    1–2 minutes

    To distinguish between "want" and "wish" is typically easy, but parsing between "desire" and "pleasure," or "obligation" and "commitment," reveals a profound distinction: your motivation and expectation.

    For instance: An obligation is something you must do whether you want to or not. A commitment is a promise you keep out of a sense of honor. You are "obligated" to go to work tomorrow. You "commit" when you say your wedding vows.

    For instance: "Desire" is a compulsion to seek. "Pleasure" is finding enjoyment in the present.

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    Kept in the dark

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    1–2 minutes

    When you arrive to a surprise party it is a thrill. When you find out your job has been outsourced you are appalled, shocked, bewildered, and hurt.
    What if we greeted each surprise without insecurity? Instead of your responsibility stolen as a personal indictment, what if we could see it as a burden lifted? A cause for celebration.

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    Justifying your actions: the chain of responsibility

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    1–2 minutes

    To own your actions is a false start: we all justify our actions.

    “I was fooled. I was angry. I had to do it or else worse things would have happened. I did it to protect others. It was in my nature. It was right. I believed.”

    After seeing the destruction spread from your actions, the temptation is to 1) not act anymore or 2) to overreact in the opposing direction.

    Reasoning, while helpful, has the danger of 1) creating excuses and 2) solidifying the burden into motivating purpose.

    The issue of owning what you do is the chain of responsibility that can weigh you down, warping your nature. Beyond owning our actions and learning from them, we must also be able to disown them (negate their influence).

    partial idea from James Islington

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    Take care of your investments

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    1–2 minutes

    Without maintenance, things break, and even with care, they fail.
    By checking in regularly we can prevent being shocked by catastrophic failure, perhaps even avoid it altogether.
    Whether it is your relationships, car, job, or tools: if you spent the time and resources in the past, spend time now as well instead of courting disastrous loss.

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    Bids for Attention

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    1–2 minutes

    Relationships bid for attention. A request demands a reaction: either share or dismiss.
    Some people become vampiric, needing you to sustain them. (And vice versa.)

    Your responsibility is your life, not theirs. Do not give improperly until you become resentful; do not be hurtful.

    Acknowledge that both people are individuals with boundaries, and then you can enjoy the generosity of kindness for the gift it is, rather than a compelled demand.

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    help hurts

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    1–2 minutes

    The paradox of looking to others for help is that it creates hurt.
    Just as you must decide to help and change yourself, you must choose not to hurt yourself.
    Either way, getting hurt or looking for help comes from giving your responsibility to others.

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    A culture of avoidance

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    1–2 minutes

    If we lived in a society of radical responsibility (rather than explanatory, justified victimization) would responsibility lead to abusive tyranny, or a culture of vulnerability refocusing effort on the impacts of the present?

    Are we inculturated to avoid difficulties for temporary reprieve?

    Would sustained pressure today be a strengthening blessing later, while the today’s deferment becomes tomorrow’s trauma?

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    You did this to yourself, now enjoy it

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    1–2 minutes

    Everything I complain about now, I wished to have at some point. The maintenance of all my fulfilled desires is a tiresome chore.
    Yet, if I wish away my responsibilities and toys, that dream too will be granted.
    More appropriately, I should remember to be thankful rather than spiteful.

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    there is always clean up after a party

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    1–2 minutes

    The price of excessive fun includes setup and execution, which is part of the fun.
    However, the actual cost is the sober responsibility of reordering not only the physical but also the emotional and relational detritus strewn across the metaphorical yard.

  • Theme:

    self-made traps

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    1–2 minutes

    Every problem I have is a self-made trap.
    When I work too much, I do not set the boundary: I dangerously conflate my ‘sense of self’ with accomplishment and people-pleasing. All my responsibilities are my earlier wishes coming true.
    Unfortunately, my previous dreams overwhelm me, turning into nightmares. I act out, angrily throwing tantrums until I am recognized and soothed like a child.