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Give up on changing yourself: that’s impossible. Instead, get incrementally better at spotting your own patterns and tightening the solution loop. (stimulus, internal response, external reaction.)
Over time it looks like you change, but you have just developed better coping strategies, faster reaction times, and reduced the errors of fumbling about in the wrong direction.
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When you are under stress your passage narrows from a trail to a bridge, and finally into a thin line upon which you balance. On the trail you could brace, on the bridge you could wobble, but upon the tight rope a gentle breeze can topple you.
Our resiliency is fluid, and while we may weather the wobbles gracefully your increased stress will guarantee a fall from the softest touch.
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A text from a friend:
Making a decision with finality is always difficult and necessary.
It’s the in-between that’s impossible.
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There is an impulse to delay making hard decisions, which can be wise, but during the intervening moments, we convince ourselves that making a decision (getting off the fence) will relieve us.
However, because it is a hard decision, there is no good solution and there will be pain on either side.
Relief comes from a narrowing of options, not the "correctness" of your decision.
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When hanging by a thread, things are going wrong.
The most challenging thing to do is relax and let go.
To grip tightly is to become paralyzed, only to be a frozen version of yourself.
Letting go allows you to be you again: to be you requires motion and flow, so just let go.
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I know what works: watch the tutorial first, follow along. And yet, every time I waste half a day thinking I can figure it out alone. This jump-in-first behavior is hubris, but “figuring it out” is also an adventure.
To repeatedly frustrate yourself is puzzling, but the pleasure is in the puzzle: life is in the idiocy of challenge, not dwelling in the known.
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Tolerance is said to build resilience. If so, do like-minded bubbles create fragility?
Tolerance is allowing without indeed agreeing or being in alignment. This is a practice of maintaining oneself as aloof or separate from reality, a protected kernel of you.
Fragility is expecting reality to align with your beliefs and mesh yourself with the world: there is no defensive layer of protection.
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Tolerance is said to build resilience.
Then like-minded bubbles produce fragility.
Are you remaining comfortable and weakening yourself, or are you challenging your assumptions?
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It is a paradox to thrive in the world and be harmless. To thrive means you exceed survival, which means you have some skill. You may choose to appear harmless, but with sufficient skill, you are armed for harm.
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Convenience becomes routine. The comfort of convenience robs us of the space and opportunity, as well as the time, to engage with the world.
If you always drive, decide to walk. If you only go outside during the daylight, take a walk at 3 AM.
The way the world operates outside of your norm is surreal, and your attention will be engaged.
Introduce some micro-challenges by taking the third or fourth option, the more uncomfortable option.
