Belly Button Lint

Feeling Lint-y?

Tag: desire

  • Theme:

    dissolving control

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    1–2 minutes

    Your desire for freedom, to be unconstrained, becomes a rebellion against the softest controls: the informal control of a society or culture, of parents and churches, of schools and cliques.

    The problem is, upon dissolving the informal controls, a void is left, into which slips something much more sinister: bureaucracy and commodification.

    The managerial state denies you the human aspect through rigid, formal policy, while the corporate machine harnesses your desires, which you worked so hard to free.

    Ultimately, you are now captured in strict obedience, except for your desire to want, which further fuels your capitulation.

    Neither of these systems has the forgiving softness or freedom of the community constraints you worked to escape.

  • Theme:

    future hope is a trap

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    1–2 minutes

    We all want something to lean on, if not someone some future plan.

    The problem is, leaning on anything (even hope for the future) keeps you from seeing what you have right now and enjoying it.

    Consider hope as a type of desire. We know from Buddhism desire (wanting) is the root of suffering, but we still want a better future, so we suffer.

  • Theme:

    sabotaging happiness

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    1–2 minutes

    We frame our happiness with conditions, such as, "if I have this job and these comforts, I can be happy." And yet, once we get them, we find a new required provision to amend the "I will be happy when" clause.

    We strike a bargain while altering the terms continuously. This is obviously sabotage.

    What we want is not happiness, but a goal to pursue: we want the struggle when we could stop at any time and simply be happy.

  • Theme:

    The Confusion of non-interference

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    1–2 minutes

    In electrical systems or motors, peak performance is achieved by reducing interference. That is, to reduce friction.

    In electricity, voltage and current align by peaks and valleys syncing together. Interference is a misalignment where they end up fighting each other.

    However, we do not always want peak power immediately, so by intentional misalignment, you can create a “soft start” before ramping up to peak power. We intentionally introduce friction at the beginning.

    Psychologically, we often say we want smooth-functioning non-interference and contentment as fulfillment or happiness. But this pushes us to desire non-interference (no friction) rather than peak performance (productive goals.) It fails to overcome the early “interference” for more significant later benefits.

    This derives from a slippery reversal: reducing all friction is very efficient -perfectly aligned- but is entropic. This path lowers peaks and valleys to a flatline existence: no goal means no failure, but also there is no longer voltage or current.

    A misunderstanding is at play: Our rational brains substitute more frictionless concepts during the initial misalignment, allowing us to reframe our goal as a symptom. Achieving the symptom is easier than curing the problem or achieving the goal.

    “Contentment” and “efficiency” may come from optimizing performance, but first you must struggle (encounter friction on your path) toward a greater purpose.

  • Theme:

    Manufacturing our dislikes

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    1–2 minutes

    We believe we dislike the person because of who they are or their actions: they caused us to dislike them.

    However, the opposite is true: we manufactured our dislike.

    We do this because it aligns with our goals: we want to have an enemy or be victimized so we can blame them for our inability to succeed, or we don’t want to be challenged by their brand of honesty.

    We reverse the causal relationship by finding a point from which to string together our narrative into what appears to be coherently rational.

    Yet the unexamined point is why we cannot accept or forgive this person. Why do our likes or dislikes even matter?

    This may seem abstract or untrue, but Alfred Adler points out how love often works: the tiny things that made you adore your partner, how they eat or comb their hair, go from cute to deplorably disgusting once you have decided to destroy the relationship.

  • Theme:

    effervescence

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    1–2 minutes

    Effervescence is surplus enjoyment.

    A drink might taste fine flat. Prior to the technological age it would be a glorious treat.

    Today there is a shelf life on the bubbly giddiness that comes prior to opening and once opened, which quickly diminishes; it dissipates, leaving us with the flat thing itself.

    The thing itself is still great, but our fixation on the almost unsustainable additive of enjoyment, which dissipates as soon as we encounter our desire is also the recognition we must take into every interaction: everything fizzles out in time, leaving you with its raw state, which may still be amazing, but once we have enjoyed it with bubbles it is difficult to accept its normal state.

    The difficulty is that we produce the added effervescence through our anticipation.

    (In part from Slavoj Žižek)

  • Theme:

    Anger is a tool

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    1–2 minutes

    Anger is a communication tool. (That means you could handle the situation with a different tactic.)

    Anger gets results but is not an uncontrollable response: it is a choice to get what you want.

    As a power dynamic, the angry person wants to get into a fight ultimately to force your submission or your irrational anger. Anger moves reason into emotion and forces the relationship into a dominance game.

    If you respond with a ‘stiff upper lip’ or ‘grin and bear it’ but you are still angry, you are just controlling it, which can lead to resentment and retaliatory revenge.

    The trick is to see their anger as a ploy that will convert you into adversaries. Anger is frustration and a desire to win to avoid fear or insecurity; it is a means to dominate or decimate through emotional manipulation.

  • Theme:

    proximity determines your goals

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    1–2 minutes

    It is impossible to achieve goals that are outside of your system.

    To attain success, one must strategically try to place themselves closer to their desired outcome, which opens new possibilities. Even luck cannot happen without proximity.

    More importantly, Luke Burgis elucidates the distinction that we are not capable of wanting something outside of our system. We can only want what we see modeled for us, so our goals are based upon our limited orbits influence. While proximity provides better odds of success, if you extend your orbit, your desires will shift to encompass new models of success.

  • Theme:

    Damage

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    1–2 minutes

    The reason you recognize damage is because you were damaged.

    The reason I can spot abuse, wrapped in pretty lies is because I was lied to, taken advantage of.

    In such ways our insight grows: not to do what’s been done to us, but to ameliorate the progress of pain, while still imparting the learning.

    After all, we do not want to eradicate a survival instinct, but we do not want to traumatize either.

  • Theme:

    can you live without attachment?

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    1–2 minutes

    If you love to have your desires fulfilled, you will never be satiated. Humans are desiring machines, designed to want more, crave the chase, and never be fulfilled.

    Your only chance to be satisfied is to re-wire your desire.

    Extended to love: can you love without reciprocity? Is it possible to be fulfilled without receiving in return? If you can rewire your attachment to your own fulfillment, life can be full of love.