I always want to jump in, to defend myself or others, interrupting the unfolding tension and drama.
But just wait. Give the other person the courtesy of completing their tale: rest in the tension because the outcome may surprise you.
Tag: communication
- Theme: Self
The benefit of misinterpretation
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1–2 minutesIncorrectly translated, the Chinese word for "crisis" is "opportunity." (It is closer to "danger" + "change point.")
However, the trope becomes a truism because it dismisses our cultural stigma around failure and disaster as debilitation and reorients us toward the possibility of hopeful growth.
- Theme: Self
Double Cowboy
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1–2 minutesAt the airport, I saw a man wearing two cowboy hats stacked on each other.
Obviously, this was for safe transportation, but it begs the question:Does wearing two cowboy hats make you doubly cowboy or completely clown?
Does doubling down create a double negative: the inversion of intent?In doubling down on identity markers, you move into the realm of affectation, pure aesthetics and costume, which denies authenticity. At such a point, overt self-awareness becomes excess and emerges as a parody.
- Theme: Growth
Enriching insight by demoting language
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1–2 minutesLanguage is the dominant form to carry messages, but it is not the only means of communication and understanding.
Overreliance on words (which can lie in the name of truth) leads to a flattened, abstract understanding.
Look for ways to enrich insight (and counter language as logic) by considering actions over time, physical comportment, or the circle of influence.
- Theme: Self
Mirroring conversations into identity
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1–2 minutesWe mirror conversations in our head: we take in what is said and replay it (like an infinite mirror) to give ourselves an image.
In repeatedly gazing (incessantly) at the "self-made-of-words," we begin to believe the illusion when it is only a momentary fragment of a possible you.
Our reflection is not who we are but who we have allowed ourselves to become.
- Theme: Self
Politeness is glue, but it is toxic too
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1–2 minutesDo you ruin a dinner because somebody won’t recognize school shootings or climate change facts?
Our politeness is the glue of society, but it is also the neutrality that allows idiocy to perpetuate unchecked. - Theme: Self
Therapize Everything
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1–2 minutesWe therapize everything. We use language to displace feelings and concepts, recognizing them by naming them. The naming convention allows solutions through distance, but it also alters self-perception and dissuades real solutions.
For example, your pain and anxiety are diagnosed as depression, yet naming and medicating shifts focus to the individual’s inability to cope, alleviating the need to alter the more extensive societal structure of poverty that generates chronic anxiety.
For example, your rage against the machine is justified, but rather than harnessing that empowering emotion for change, you should cultivate self-love until you can bear the brutality.
- Theme: Self
Being a friend
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1–2 minutesA cascading avalanche of trials can crush us. Despite the gory disaster, all you need is a friend who cares and loves you to hear you out.
Be that friend, and your problems will suddenly seem a meager embarrassment. - Theme: Self
everyone politely condescending to everyone
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1–2 minutesWaiting in line, I listened to a clerk direct everyone with professional condescension, all polite smiles and belittling slow speech.
She glanced at my paperwork and told me I needed a different form. After a polite argument, I followed her orders and waited again. This time she realized I had it right the first time, so I smiled my condescending smile and realized this is how society survives: our petty polite niceties, our passive one-upmanship.