When I fuck up, it is because I am looking for a conflict, which usually means I am looking for validation.

I feel unsettled for a week, maybe two, and then I force something that is usually unfair.

I like to say I don’t know what I am doing (I was an asshole by accident, immaturely acting out). But I can feel the pressure rising for weeks, pressing me down until I pop.

The goal is to either bleed off the pressure more frequently or address the inadequacies that inflate me.