Todd McGowan observes that unconscious desire often underlies, and contradicts, conscious wish. We may want our team to win, yet switch off the game when loss looms—choosing the pain of lost hope (injury) over the risk of joy (elation).
This reveals deeper drives: to suffer is to reaffirm loyalty to our identity, to take on pain is to reenact inherited roles (from parents or siblngs).
Our conscious goals are often elaborate rituals masking deeper identifications—with victimhood, struggle, or ancestral behaviors. Whether we flee or endure, we are not just chasing outcomes, but fortifying our identity through therepetition of familiar emotional terrain… despite what we say we want.