Many couples enact precrime condemnation.
First, they create (make up) a sin that is an affront to their character, but keep it secret. Next, they goad the unwitting partner into crossing the invisible barrier: breach of character, breach of loyalty, breach of trust, a crime against one is a crime against us both, and you were guilty before you erred.
Now, drama may unfold, which is revelatory: Will the partner submit or fight against artificial guilt? Consider that any argument is a form of communication, a bid for attention with heightened intensity and sharper edges. To engage is (win or lose) to affirm and secure the relationship; to disengage is to deny validity.
To repeatedly trip emotional, relational IEDs is a sacrificial ritual to produce resentment through manufactured fault. We force a complicit role in undermining the self for the sake of the relationship, a codependent spiral.