No one is forcing you to behave this way. You have chosen it.
Our behavior is goal-oriented but often comes from two instincts:1. To establish a consistent self (this is how I am and will always be.)
2. Protect yourself by signaling (I want you to know there is a cost to engaging with me.)
Example: If I choose to be miserable when you ask me to work, I make it painful for both of us while reinforcing my perceived character as a means to better train you.
Example: If you had a bad day, I would belittle your problems with my lousy life, winning at victimization while simultaneously declaring the strength to bear more than you. So, I’m always re-shaping our relationship to force you to defer to me.