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A fight is how you confront someone in a way that they cannot avoid.
The ultimate goal is to get close, though it seems that you are agressively pushing away.
The fight is a bid for attention. The anxious person is seeking confirmation that they are worth your attention.
This is a form of intimate bonding. And while the secure person may be able to walk away (exhibit self control) to do so breaks the relationship.
There can be no closeness (intimacy) when one party is avoidant (stonewalling).
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To sin is to "miss the mark," and the consequence of sin is the distance from God.
However, in God’s shadow, the close proximity creates hell.
The further we wander, the more extravagantly we "miss the mark," and the freer we become by escaping the gravity of the goal. The mark becomes impossible to hit at some magical distance, thus irrelevant.
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The most effective way to hurt something/someone is through studied intimacy.
The "blunderer" is forgivable out of their ignorance: in the unlikely event they land a haymaker to your soul or sabotage your company it is by chance or luck.
The devoted acolyte who accessed the inner sanctum through devotion knows precisely where best to strike. In knowing the betrayal is doubled. It is no longer simply a devastating wound, but the loss of trauma support. (This is why family and partners can hurt us so profoundly.)
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Choosing the passive role, remaining open to life’s flows, or the active position, imprinting your will upon situations, are not the only ways to engage with the world.
Simone Weil offers a middle road of “negative effort”: Rather than action or passivity, it is a stance of engaged receptivity devoid of your internal noise.
This is an attentive focus to the present without slipping into becoming a zombified observer.
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Is it possible to exist in the world without touching another in a way that causes pain? Consider the environment and relationships: Is our passage marked by waves of harm, the price of living? Or is harm a symbiosis by which both parties confirm their existence?
Put another way, can you sit still, or do you work to escape the beating of your heart?
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Solidarity is found in work, in manifesting a shared purpose. Workers can also find communion in refusing to work, shifting "non-work" into political work.
Yet, the daily negation of production has a psychological cost.
"Doing nothing" to manifest change has an inverse logic, requiring more communal discipline than the simple satisfaction creation.
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“1,000 mini-heartbreaks everyday for a month is better than one epic one that you don’t understand.”
a text I received from a friend going through a tough time
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People search for commonality, often through invitation to share in drama or outrage by perpetuating "us vs them" fragmentation.
While sharing and in-grouping bonds people, it also empowers, amplifies, and condones a seductively destructive pattern.
