When repeatedly tempted with the vice we have coined as "freedom," it is to exercise your desire as your agency. (Chasing what you want is who you are, is to be a free, active individual.)
Yet, the conflicted pursuit of desire disgorges a perverse acidic hate as you strive to earn your freedom, which is to gain yourself.
The issue is that freedom through desire fulfillment requires increased intensity to become more of what you are (your autonomous individuality), paradoxically leading to an angry, vitriolic exercise of self, which corrupts and degrades yet demands further pursuit to maintain your freedom.